I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
