I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
