would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
organizing the empties. That sober.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
