She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
