Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
