who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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