foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
its liver damage thursday
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
