Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
