So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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