also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
