He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
