do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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