Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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