dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
