i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
