You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Ketchup is God's man juice
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
