We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
