he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
