Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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