I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
