i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You've changed since you got that strap on
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
