I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
