Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
