So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just crazy horny about you
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Bring me that man meat
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
