Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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