It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
