I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
