Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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