Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
soo... how was my night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
