i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
