Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My life is pants optional.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
