ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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