Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
