My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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