Someone shit on the floor
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
