You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize