I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
