life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
