It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Enjoy the penises
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
