i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
