He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
