can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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