come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
