Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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