sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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