Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
