Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My ass is underappreciated
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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