So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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