yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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