I CAN MOONWALK!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
