just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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