So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
