I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Randomize
