Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it glows. i had to have it.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
