I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you didnt know i had herpes?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're like the curious george of whores
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
