There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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