i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
