I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
