there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
