I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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