I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
