What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
