i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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