It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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