The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
