How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
