Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
