someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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