I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
