Im at strip club and am horny
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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