We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize