i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
