you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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