i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
