I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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