I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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