: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
