I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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