What did we do last night that was yellow?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
