My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
