My hand turned me down
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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