She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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