Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His nipple licking is glorious
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