i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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